I remember years ago reading The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield and appreciating his presentation of the relationship patterns we resort to as a result of losing a direct connection to Spirit.

Today, I have come into a deeper appreciation of his seemingly simple "fiction".  As I work to clear out of myself all that is not of my true design and help others to do the same, I increasingly uncover the feeding patterns that dominate and dictate all of our relationships with each other and with our world.

The first step in this drama was difficult enough, that of uncovering where people used and exploited me. When I chose to no longer participate I was set aside and alienated from many people in my world. I had unwittingly set up my entire experience around being indispensable so I would not be alone. Seemingly, without notice, I was "stealing" my substance back.  Breaking the very rules of interaction I had set up and others relied on. I felt victimized and justified in my grief. But I did have a course of action.  I would simply avoid people who tended to be exploitive.

Well, that was a walk in the park compared to the next step.  That of uncovering and facing all the places I had unwittingly exploited others.  Looking at all of the patterns and hidden agendas present in all of my interactions.  Realizing that my bottom line belief was that I was not worthy in and of myself to be loved and provided for so I had best turn everything to my advantage while giving all I have, am, and can scrape together in order to be loved.

With that lovely pattern running I could not help but draw in others that felt they needed someone else to manifest for them.  Yuck! We really do create our own reality.  My former feelings of victimization were much preferable to the shame I experienced while looking at my part in the drama of my life. So much for my grand plan of simply avoiding exploitive people.  Hiding alone in a cave for the rest of my life would not help as no matter where I go there I am and I am one of them.

Then I started looking around me, unraveling the tangled web of exploitive interactions and the resulting compensations in my life and that of my clients.  I was appalled by the fact that we are all caught up in cannibalizing for the spiritual power needed to sustain us.  I can't begin to describe the depression I went into at this point. 

I could not stand to live in the old way once I had uncovered it. This left me stripping away all my operating systems and patterns.  Now I am not saying I have arrived yet mind you, I am a work in process to be sure. As I increasingly remove that which is not my Path Home I find that what is left is increasingly simple.  I have no identity or way of interacting in the system any more. This is indeed a shaky place to be as all I need to sustain myself rests in the system I can no longer relate to.

My identification with my patterns and compensations was a false sense of identity for sure but the only one I had to ground to. I now find myself feeling floaty and disconnected. I truly do not know who (or what) I am.  This seems to be another necessary if uncomfortable step in the process of evolution: being ok with not knowing, and letting go of control and manipulation.  Let go and let God takes on a whole new meaning as does trust and faith.  These are concepts found in all the great religious texts that I think we have not begun to understand. I know for sure I have not.

Through this process I have found, but have yet to master, the most important ingredient to successfully navigating the awesome process of evolution - compassion for oneself. Without this compassion, it is next to impossible to face our personal participation in the feeding frenzy without having shame put us back into denial and projection.  We then project our "guilt" on to others, polarize against them, our frequency drops distancing us from Spirit and we are left having to rejoin the feeding game of the matrix to survive.

I'll take blind faith and loss of identity over that any day.

There are a lot of us in this place of non-being at this time.  Feeling we have lost our way and almost over come with depression. Hang in there. I think we are really on to something this time.

In loving friendship,

Gwilda Wiyaka

Given my bottom line and that I wish to become more conscious of the feeding patterns operating in my world,

1. How can I find and maintain compassion for myself and others?
2. What feeding patterns am I participating in that are in my best interest to clear at this time?
3. How can I go about recognizing and clearing them?

Happy Journey!

Journey Questions are designed for individuals that have taken Path Home Shamanic Arts School's Lower or Upper World Journey Class.These classes are designed to instruct a person on the successful access use and interpretation of the shamanic trance.

If you would like to learn to learn to journey, see Path Home Shamanic Arts School classes: http://findyourpathhome.com/ws_main.html#lowerworld or http://findyourpathhome.com/ws_main.html#upperworld

© 2006 Gwilda Wiyaka

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